Dear Resume,

This is Melissa A. Bird. Yeah, I know you have NOOOOO idea who I am because I have NEVER had to use you before. I was wondering if you might be able to write yourself. I am NOT interested in spending THREE hours of my life trying to figure out what I need to say. I now know what a "job" it is to try to get a job...

And Resume, don't you think it is a little strange that we have never meet before?? I do. I guess going to work for a major corporation right after High School, and transferring jobs within was a good idea after all.
Just one question for you, and you can go on your way. How do I explain to potential employers the lack of "real work experience" the last two years? You might think it is funny I ask that, but my reason for this question is that I think the last two years of experience have been the MOST educational for me. How do I nicely put that I stayed at home to raise children? Most people that read you are going to think I am nuts for "taking time off". In fact, I did not put that information on you when I sent you out, and people are responding wondering if I fell off the planet for two years...

Thank You for your concern. I hope we will become good friends, and be able to help each other out in the VERY near future! ~

Sincerely,

Melissa A. Bird

P.S. Do you need anything else from me? I could give you my left arm . . .