Saturday, January 21, 2012

So...

Yesterday was MY personal
 "horrible, terrible, no good, very bad day...
No details; just know there are TWO children that are seriously LUCKY to be alive. 
On a daily basis I loose my cool; but yesterday it was WAY BEYOND just loosing my cool... I had to go in my room; scream into my own pillow WHILE crying I was SO UPSET.
Quick Question;
What do you do to calm yourself down?
Usually I just need to tell myself I am like 10 times older than my kids so grow up!, but on days like this one I was SCREAMING... no not just yelling at the kids; SCREAMING like I was going to loose my voice at them.
It makes me sad...
It makes me feel like I am a bad mother...
WHY do I let myself get so UPSET?
I mean I love these kids with everything I have; so why do the little things they do as 3 and 4 year olds drive me so freakin' crazy? WHAT the heck am I going to do with them as teenagers?
Just so I can remember this day; I'm just going to say Hailey had TONS of potty accidents... pee and poo; so when I read back on this I can remember what pissed me off so bad...
I think today I am over it and really trying to get past it; but MAN I still feel upset.
Pray for ME and PRAY for my kids... not looking forward to that cruise now if this is what I have to deal with.

4 comments:

The Jensens said...

Oh man. I am SO sorry you had a horrible day! I would've come rescue you but I still had the foster kids :-( You did the right thing to keep your kids alive. There were many times in the past two weeks where I locked myself in my room or the office and let the kids fend for themselves (it kept me from spanking them (not allowed in foster care), kicking them out of the house, or ripping out their vocal cords.

There is only so much you can do and you need to take care of yourself (you told me that last week!).

LOVE YOU!

Chris and Cortney Walker said...

I can totally relate! I think that every once in a while we just get tired of repeating and get frustrated. I know i have days like that and after about 15 min or so I go through the same wave of emotion, I am a bad mom and I love them why do I get so angry! I try to separate myself from the situation and do the same thing scream then go calmly and explain that I love them and am sorry for getting so upset and explain why its so frustrating sometimes. Hang in there! Thats what I keep telling myself!

Lindsey and Jared said...

Yikes! I know the bad days come, but I am sorry that was such a rough day for you! Send them to stay with Grandma :)

Heart you girl!

3richardsons said...

We all lose it with our kids sometimes and feel guilty about it but don't be too hard on your self. I've been extra irritable lately so I feel for you.