Friday, August 20, 2010

If you REALLY KNEW me...

(WARNING: This is a VERY open and honest post,
I am not ashamed of it AT ALL, but I just wanted to warn you.)
My friend Stacy did a BEAUTIFUL post on this show. I have seen bits and pieces of this show and heard that it was GREAT from quite a few friends. I decided after reading her post that I wanted to see this show for myself...

The show is found on MTV. I RARELY watch MTV... most of the shows they put out there are GARBAGE. But after seeing this show, I think I might need to set my DVR to record this. The opening credits show " Bullying, prejudice, and cliques are fixtures in schools across America." then it talks about what they are going to do to fix the situation "Challenge Day is a one-day program that aims to break down these barriers." The show heads to High Schools across America and trys to help the students.
I look back at my High School years and I really don't get upset. I mean there were "mean people" and at times I felt alone and scared, but I would not say I had a BAD High School experience. After seeing this show I WISH we would have had the same kind of resources these kids are receiving from this show for our future relationships.
 
One of my favorite lines from the episode I saw was this "You will learn it is OK to have problems, it is just how you deal with them that makes you a better person." There are ALL kinds of cliques they showed... the geeks, the jocks, the popular kids, the emo or gothic kids, the outsiders, all the different "CATEGORIES" you put people in. And would you believe every single kid had a problem.
 
It was like a HUGE group session at a therapist office. The kids were told to sit back and think about WHAT it really is to be them... at the end of the day WHO ARE YOU? The kids in the episode I watched really opened up to each other. They were placed in smaller groups that consisted of people they really did not know. There was an outsider, the homecoming queen, the class clown, the emo kid and a girl called a creeker. Through them opening up with their "If you really knew me problems" they learned that they were not alone in problems they had. They also learned that EVERYONE has struggles...
 
So in honor of this show I wanted to start a movement in the blogging world. I want my friends that read my blog to know new things about me. Things you might never guess, and things you may have gone through as well...
 
If you really knew me... You would know that I struggle on a DAILY basis worrying that I am not a good enough mother.  I worry when my children are not meeting certain milestones other children the same age are. And when other people point out problems they see with my children it does not make me feel like I am a good mother, it makes me angry. I don't appreciate the judgement they pass, and I get frustrated with the situation I am currently dealing with. I also am quick to anger with my children. I yell at them TOO much, and need a good lesson on patience. I don't think I spend enough one-on-one time with my kids, and I have to constantly tell myself to let other things go and just go play with the kids. I am getting better as the kids get older and listen better, but it is still hard. I have learned from friends and my childrens pediatrician that this is just my "currnet ride on the rollercoaster of life". Each child is different and needs different things from me. As long as I am trying my best everything will be fine, and it will get easier.

If you really knew me... you would know I had a bully in High School. There was this Mormon girl who did not like me because a boy she liked had a crush on me. One day at seminary I was leaving and I guess she was near the car as I was driving away and she says I almost ran over her feet. So the next day when I was leaving seminary she ran after me; jumped in the car and started hitting me, and yelling at me. My little sister Nicole was in the car, and her and I both did not know what had went on. Another person at seminary had to pull her out of the car. I can honestly say I did not understand what had happened. Before this incident we were good friends. I guess just those few little things sent this girl overboard. My parents were very supportive when I was finally able to talk to them about the situation. However, this girl was a "problem child" and if I reported what she had done to me it would have her third strike and because she was already in trouble for things from the past she would have gone to Juvenile Hall. Her bishop pleaded with me to not press charges or place a restraining order I felt I really needed. Because my dad and I thought it would end with her bishop talking to her we decided to let it go. Unfortunately, she continued to bully me at school and at church. I quit going to church activities if I thought she was going to be there. I stopped going to seminary, and dances even. I ended up going to our stake youth conference because some friends talked me into it, and that was the last time I went to anything. This girl cornered me in the bathroom and started hitting me and yelling at me for NO reason. Luckily there were people there to help again, but this was the last straw for me. This really was a turning point in my life, and it made me think I could not trust people. I lost good friends who did not understand the situation, I lost trust in the church and its local leaders for allowing this to happen, and I lost trust in people just generally. Before this I had what most people would call an "easy life" but after this I was totally broken. This girl ended up in prison for beating her husband and abusing her child I later came to find out. How sad. To this day when I know someone is being bullied, I make sure to let the bully know it is not alright. I have stopped my car when I saw kids fighting and broken it up on multiple occasions. It is not something I wish on anyone, and I know the hurt and pain that comes from other kids being mean.
 
If you really knew me... you would know that after being bullied, I became really confused about life, and not knowing any better I allowed myself to be in an abusive relationship. Something made me think it must be normal for people to hurt other people. It started with words, but escalated to pushing and hitting. I do remember thinking to myself one time after being hit that I never saw this kind of abuse at my house, and wondering what this world was coming to, and just thinking that this was going to be my life. After getting out of that relationship I did not understand " real love". This lead to me dating a lot of people who did not really care about me, and doing alot of stupid things despite my parents love and support. I really thought my parents did not care, and did not know what I was going through. (which they might not have known what I was going through, but they had unconditional love for me, I just could not see it) What I had thought was LOVE was totally wrong. I pushed away from my family and I soon felt that I always needed a boyfriend to feel "loved". If I did not have one I would go back and date bad ex-boyfriends to feel that "love". Luckily for me I realized before it was too late that I deserved better. I had wonderful Young Women's leaders at church that realized there was something wrong, and took me by the hand and helped me see the light. They made sure that I felt loved by them, and let me know that my family loved me too. Because I was able to realize those simple things I began to become more active at church. And Luckily for me I had great friends who helped me as well, friends I had lost when the bullying started. I became grounded by the church and really knew that I belonged. I have never waivered from the church sence that realization. And because of that long hard journey, I was prepared when I  found someone who really cared about me and I knew what a real relationship consisted of.

If you really knew me... you would know that I moved out of my parents house right after I graduated High School. This stems from me thinking they did not care, and wanting to run from my problems. I thought I knew how to live in the real world, but man was I wrong. I lived with a High School girlfriend who was a GREAT friend, but not a great example. She would do anything for her me, but one day we got in a huge fight over something STUPID and I was left with a lease on an apartment I could not afford on my own. I learned real quickly not to let money get between friends, and not to depend on anyone for things that could affect my future.
 
If you really knew me... you would know that the reason I am so upfront with what I think and what I say is because I have been lied to in the past by people I have really cared about. Many of the lies hurt, but one particular lie crushed me. I had to seek help from counseling, and luckily was able to work through it. It made me realize that it was just SICK and STUPID what every one was doing by putting on this "FAKE FASAD" that everything is alright, and that their life was perfect. I decided I did not want to hide my feelings or thoughts with friends or family, and I was going to be upfront with them. When I see people blasting this fakeness I just want to ask them "Who do you really think you are kidding?" I know everyone struggles, I know everyone struggles with different things. That is why I tend to be friends with people that are also open and honest with what is going on in their life. These are the people I like to spend time with because we help each other with problems we are having. I have a core group of friends that just "keeps it real" and we are able to help build each other up rather that tear each other down. Too often we look at others' lives and think they must be SO lucky, and we get jealous of the things they have, when if we really cared about each other we would be happy for accomplishments our friends overcome. Thank you to my friends who help build me up, you are the best!!
 
If you really knew me... you would know that I have OCD. (no, I have never been "diagnosed" but anyone that knows me KNOWS I have it) I can't live in chaos, I need order in everything. I find myself STRESSING over the stupidest things because of it. I can't sleep if I know there are dishes in the sink, I can't let laundry go undone, I have to vacuum if there are crumbs on the floor, I have to have the toys put away if they are not being played with... I just don't like having things out of place or dirty. I get anxiety because of these things... I can't stand having a dirty house, and I am running myself ragged most days just trying to keep up. Luckily I am learning to let things go, I am taking baby steps. My first baby step was to wait until after the kids are asleep to clean up all the toys. I still have to have the dishes done, but I don't think that is SUCH a bad thing. ALSO, luckily for me I have an understand husband who deals with me needing this ORDER in my life. I guess it stems from me wanting to be in control of my life, the things I can control I do because there is SO much in life we are not able to control. Matt does get annoyed sometimes when I can't let things go, but he is thankful he has one of the cleanest, most organized houses on the block.
 
If you really knew me...
 
WHAT A CONCEPT. What if we all really cared about each other and wanted the best for each other? This world would surely be a little more like Heaven...
There are so many other things I could tell you for you to really know me. I know these things are not glamorous or anything, but they are real... I am thankful for these things in my life because they have made me the person I am today. I want you to sit back and think about YOU. At the end of the day WHO ARE YOU?? What things have happened that make you the WONDERFUL person you are today?? What struggles have you overcome, and what struggles are you currently trying to overcome? Let me just say it is SO refreshing to share this with you, like a burden is lifted because maybe now others will understand why I do some of the CRAZY things I do.
Like they said in the show
 "You will learn it is OK to have problems,
it is just how we deal with these problems that make you a better person."
 
 
MTV Tuesday Nights 11/10 Central... OR search online to watch Full Episodes after they air if you do not have MTV.

7 comments:

Kristen said...

Wow, I really love that quote, I want to install that in my kids so they know it's okay to have problems. I don't have cable, but when I do I will start watching this.
I ALWAYS wonder if I am a bad mom, I yell at my kids way too much, and I lose my patience more than I'd like to admit. I think every mom does, though, and it makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one out there that feels that way. That's why I love the blogging world, we relate as moms so well.
I had no idea that all that stuff went on in your life, it's amazing what you've gone through and how strong it's made you. I think that everything happens for a reason, and even though trials suck at the time, maybe someday you will be able to help someone that is going through the same thing - you'll know the signs and you'll be able to help quicker than if you hadn't.
My mom struggles with depression, and she was able to come down and help out with one of my roommates that had a nervous breakdown while I was in college. You seriously never know who you will be able to help.
Thanks for being honest, it's quite refreshing to read, Melissa. What a great person you are.

Nichole said...

Great post Melissa! That is so crazy about the bully. While I had my own share of bullies growing up (and surprisingly still do) thankfully I've never had to experience what you did. And it's amazing what a bully can do to mess up someone's life. If only they could understand the damage they do. . . anyway, I for one am grateful that you were able to overcome that because I do think you are a great person. And as for the OCD, well there are worse things to have. I know people who are hoarders or do not clean at all. At least you know that your family is living in a safe and sanitary environment :-)

Brooke Vangilder said...

POWERFUL! I am so proud of you for sharing this and getting it off your shoulders. I feel so much better after reading it too...I struggle with the moms & ocd issues too...take it one step at a time and LET GO & LET GOD! :) Hugs to you my friend!

Lindsey and Jared said...

Okay, you don't have to post this, but I have to tell you that reading through this really affected me. I look back with so many regrets and I just want to thank you for loving me and forgiving my short comings. I love you Melissa and I think you are wonderful, flaws and all!

Meg said...

Wow Melissa. How true it is that if we really knew why people are the way they are, we couldn't help but love them! Thanks for sharing. You've overcome a lot and thankfully have come out on top! We don't have cable but it sounds like an interesting show. Keep on treking girl, I think you're awesome!!

Lindsey and Jared said...

Yup! I have no problem with you posting it!

XOXOXO

Phillip said...

Thanks for being braver than the rest of us to post. I watch the shwo almost religiously and have been tempted to blog like you did. But I am afraid if people really knew me what they might think.