Tuesday, June 8, 2010

WHY?

Have you ever been upset about something someone said to you? I usually get upset about things, then I let them roll off my back. (after I have vented them to another friend of course) But every once and a while I can't let go of what someone has said. WHY do people say the things they say??
I like to think my "filter" is pretty good... sure I will tell a sister they are being stupid, or a friend to shut-up, but I would NEVER purposefully say something mean to someone I cared about. To be perfectly honest I would not even say something mean to someone I did not care about, at least not to their face.
Why would it be ok for someone to comment on something they know nothing about? Like if I wanted the lady at Target's advise about my daughter possibly needing a nap; I would ask!! I don't know her, she does not know me OR my child, what makes her an expert all the sudden. OHHH that is right because my daughter is having a melt down that MUST mean she needs a nap. ACTUALLY LADY she is upset because I took away a princess toy she wanted... but how would you know that... THAT'S RIGHT YOU DON'T!
You don't live with my daughter. She has THREE specific tantrums she throws, and that one was not the I need a nap one thank you very much. I am not STILL upset with this lady at Target, I am actually over that, (this was a few months ago) and I have learned to comment back when RUDE people make "judgement comments" to me. The last lady who made a comment like that got a "Oh, YOU mean YOU need to go home and take a nap, because she is just upset I took her popcorn..."
Anyways, what I am trying to understand is WHY some people's comments make me more upset than others. I have had other mothers that have children with them, BOTH of our kids acting out at the same time make the "Naptime!?!" comment to me and I LAUGH because we have a mutual understanding... she is not judging me, she is just in the same boat as I am.
I know these women MIGHT have raised children, but it was like 20 years ago and things just are not the same. And I am sure if we look back at your "Mothering Skills" you would not have been successful at everything so why put a judgement on me??
I appreciate my mother's approach. She never says anything to me about parenting unless I ask her. And when I ask her, she tells me that it is SO hard to control any child when they are upset, and that she thinks I am doing a great job. I often find myself asking her "Did you ever get to the point where you felt like you HATED us as kids?" And she would say "Yes, and that is when you went into your rooms to play." It makes me feel like I am not the only mother out there ready to pull her hair out. I am not the only mother who has struggled with what to do with my child. I am not the only mother who has thought I NEED OUT! I am not alone. . .
I also appreciate my friends approach with me. When I am asking them about what they do with their kids they tell me what worked for one kid, but when they tried it with the next it did not work. They tell me they are struggling too, and don't put on this FAKE FRONT about how perfect home life is. They tell me that the mean person who said that particular thing to me is just a jerk. They tell me I am not alone, and if I need them not to hesitate to ask. They tell me lets do a play date so we can gossip and enjoy this time in life.
Don't get me wrong I am not sitting here thinking my life is horrible...
I am FAR from that.
What I am trying to do is figure out how to live my life in a world with negative people.
How to teach my children about the world and how it works... for us and against us.
What things do YOU do to ignore the negative people in Life??

5 comments:

Nichole said...

oh people's (those you don't know) comments can be so irritating. And I know what you mean about so much negativism. What I don't like is when you are in the middle of trying to deal with the kids and people are trying to give you advice at that moment. Hello people, I know what will work with my kids, just leave me alone so I can do it!

Anyway, I KNOW how you feel.

Kristen said...

Usually when that happens I just reply, "Thanks, but she's fine.", smile, and turn away.
My whole philosophy on parenting is that what works for one family may not work for another and how I do things may not be how others do things. And that is just fine - to each his own! So I figure that if they are trying to give me advice, they are trying to be nice, telling me what has worked for their family. But it may not work with mine. So I realize that they ARE trying to help, and I just let it roll off my back.
Yeah, I try to only give advice to my friends that ask me how I've done things. I honestly can't imagine giving advice to perfect strangers in a store about their kids... but apparently others can, because it's happened to me a lot!
About teaching your children question... I just try to tell Camie that sometimes other kids aren't very nice, but we can always be nice back to them. Sometimes works, sometimes doesn't. :)
Good luck, this will probably be an on-going battle!

Bird is the Word said...

Thank you ladies... on top of RUDE comments made about my kids... one lady from my parents ward asked me if I was pregnant this last weekend... UGH NO, actually I have lost 10 lbs. since you saw me last... UGH!

makana said...

I HATE the question.. "When are you having another kid?" Actually, my hubbs and I had sex 12 times this week. So you tell me.
At least that is what I want to say them. Maybe now I will.
You know how I feel about this since I wrote a post too. I always have to think to myself "they must not have kids" or "their kid probably has no personality." I know, not the most Christian response. I am working on that...

Beth Swann said...

I know what you mean, Melissa! I have so many pet peeves on this topic as well. One of which is when people try to discipline your children when I'm standing right there...grrr...um, hello! I can take care of my own kids, thank you very much!
And I've had people ask me if I was pregnant as well. I just tell them, "No, I'm just fat." That way it's SUPER awkward for them and hopefully teaches them to not ask things like that. LOL!
I hope you feel better soon!